1. Shut the fuck up.
  2. Tell your spouse and kids to shut the fuck up.
  3. If you and your clothes smell like stale weed smoke and Axe body spray, maybe take a shower and wash your clothes before coming to the movie theater. Or, just don’t fucking come.
  4. Put your fucking cell phone away.
  5. If you’ve got a bad case of toxic ass gas, maybe go to the doctor instead of the movies.

I’m soooo ready for Alamo Drafthouse to build an IMAX theater. Whatever it costs to not see movies with the fucking mouth breathers at non-Drafthouse theaters, it’s WORTH IT.