I hope all of you had a nice Valentines Day. Ok, now that we are past that let’s be savvy shoppers and take advantage of all the baskets filled with smashed declarations of love that are destined to be tossed into the trash compactor or in-store incinerator!

Cheap flowers!

Toss a flag in that vase and you got yourself a Presidents’ Day Bouquet. Or you can deliver them to your bae and they’ll think, “OH MY GAWD I CAN’T BELIEVE THEY ARE STILL CELEBRATING VALENTINES DAY...FOR ME!!” *saabs intensely*

You come out looking like a true romantic AND a gitdim patriot all while saving money on fresh cut plant genitalia! Because if displaying your own private parts doesn’t work then going full botanist in a public space definitely will!!

Cheap Candy!

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Halloween is a terrifying time for children so be a good neighbor and remind all those little demons and Disney princesses that they are loved! Plus, no one checks the expiration dates on candy so whatever doesn’t disappear during Halloween can be used again for next Valentine’s. Just tell your Sweetheart that you held on to that previous year’s romance through every season and then show them the proof with a bag of year old M&Ms. Because every time you saw them you went, “Mmmmm...”

Cheap Chocolate and Chocolate-Covered Crap!

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Everyone knows that the day after Valentine’s is a cheat day so skip your workout and spend some time with the one you haven’t had since you scooped up all those fitness Groupons at the beginning of the year!

Cheap Balloons!

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Fill a room up with balloons and just freaking frolic around, man. If you have carpeting then wear some socks and see if you can charge your phone. Hey, you could shock someone with the gift of a room full of balloons and then literally shock them for the rest of the day! 

If you’re single then you can grab a knife and stab some hearts and listen to their little high pitched screams as they collapse in your arms. Probably not the healthiest hobby but at least you’re releasing helium back into the wild along with some of that cumbersome sanity!

Cheap Stuffed Animals.

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You gotta be a real sicko to be buying stuffed animals after Valentine’s...

Cheap Cards!

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I mean who really is going to notice you gave them a Valentine’s card throughout the year?! They will be so overwhelmed with emotions and outwardly expressed internal feelings that there is no way they’ll care about the red and pink color scheme. If they keep the card and ask you about it later then just deny deny deny! You got them that card for that past Valentine’s Day and they lost the birthday card of a similar design and layout that you gave them a couple of hours ago. And anyways, if they are scrutinizing a card that much then they are the one with a problem! You should dump them!! It’s freaking February 15th already, you guys had a good run...

And remember, if you aren’t picky about what you eat or your underwear then you can knockout both with the right store!