If your Ford had a Matthew McConaughey, it would be a Lincoln

Top 10 Reasons Tesla Will Fail

hello and good afternoon fellow jalops and jaloppettes, the news today from Tesla that their stock market prices are plummeting in corollary with oil prices is a sheer sign of poor things and bad timing to come for the los angeles based automaker of electrical cars and coils. your humble correspondent raphmoe has down some research on the matter and has found out ten reasons that tesla cars are doomed to fail

1) They only make one car.

2) The Model S does not run on Gasoline

3) Gasoline is the fuel of dinosaurs and petroleum based automotive cars like the dodge hellcat which i lust after.

Advertisement

4) the "new models", the 3 series (copyright BMW all rights reserved) and model x and model t-awd are "coming out soon". yeah, right, vaporware at it's finest because i do not see them

5) The BMW i3 and i8 are better than anything that Tesla makes because they use real engines.

6) Elon Musk is more worried about flying spaceships to the moon planets than he is making a proper roadster car that is light and nimble like a lotus.

7) Tesla is making cars in los angeles and vegas which are not detroit and are doomed to fail because detroit is a united states success story for the automotive industry of the world

Advertisement

8) Electricity has no soul; tesla runs on electricity which is really a forcefield from gravity and the planets in harmony with the sun which, when focusing around the van allen belts will produce a ripple effect that saps the lifeblood of automotive enthusiasm from us.

9) I do not like cars with automoatic or "linear drive" transmissions like the Tesla model s; if i can not heel toe it is not for me.

Advertisement

10) Just kidding; Tesla is really the future.

Share This Story