Trade-in Files: Bro, Do You Even Lift?

It's Monday and I've had a chance to do my morning lot walk, and boy do I have a gem from Friday afternoon's business.

On Friday I featured a Dakota decked out with the finest skulduggery (h/t to thebigbossyboss for reminding me this word existed) Wal-Mart's auto aisle had to offer.

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Today's feature will send the Dakota skulking away to hide, though. For your Monday enjoyment, we've got a bro truck!

Done right, a lifted truck can be a formidable machine. This one has not been done right. Where do I begin?

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First, the lift kit. The majority of it consists simply of giant spacers like the one shown here. Who cares about performance, this truck's jacked up high, bro!

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And, the wheels. Nothing does offroad performance better than 22 inch chrome wheels with low profile tires! These fine rims are from a brand called Incubus (?) and already are pitting and corroding like crazy despite being at most 4 years old (the truck is a 2010). Are they cheap rims? Did Broseph not bother to keep them clean during the Rust Belt winters? I'd guess both.

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Whether it's an off roader or a sports car, nothing makes a vehicle look beefy quite like some fat fender flares stuffed to the brim with tire. In this day and age nobody rivets them on anymore, but they do come with simulated chrome rivets so they at least look riveted on. Not in this case, though. This truck has fender flares with dimples. Just... dimples.

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Our bro friend wanted to have his truck looking its best when he traded it in, so he made sure to shine the tires before bringing it to the dealership. Gotta make the truck sparkle. Lots of tire shine! ALL the tire shine! And now it's all over the sides of the truck.

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The driver's side has some custom paint courtesy of the DOT in addition to its splash of tire shine.

What else does a true bro truck need? Mockery of those beta-males who don't drive bro trucks, of course.

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"Only little boys that can't get it up drive low riders."

Anyway, I guess I'm being too harsh on this truck. I mean, it does have some impressive ground clearance, pretty aggressive tread on the tires, a locking rear end, etc. Despite being assembled on the cheap I'm sure it's seen a mud pit or two...

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...nevermind.

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