The White House reported today that American President Donald Trump is planning to host a summit on school safety in Florida near the scene of the massacre yesterday of 17 youth and adults. The guest list has yet to be finalized, but White House Communication Secretary Sarah Sanders indicated that the event would be sponsored by Remington Arms and the keynote speaker would be Charlton Heston, with activities planned by Kelly Ann Conway and refreshments provided by the Sackler Family. When a reporter pointed out that Charlton Heston had been dead since 2008, Mrs. Sanders had a quick huddle with a staffer and returned to the mike to state, “Thank you for that alternative fact, but I meant Wayne LaPierre.”