UGH. DOTS

Spotted in the grocery store parking lot yesterday. If I had been driving my truck, I would have LOVED to park about 1.5" away. I would have had to stay nearby, to see the reaction, maybe by chatting up the cop that was conveniently parked 2 spaces away. Bring it, “Karen.” But sadly, I was in the Volvo and I dutifully stayed FAR away.

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Since you can’t read the sticker on the side window, I’ll explain.

It reads:

I HAVE KIDS

PARK TO [sic] CLOSE

AND THEY WILL

DING YOUR SHIT

[long inhale...]

1) Congratulations, you somehow managed to procreate 2) that’s the wrong “to” 3) I also have kids but they’re not jerks 4) you have a minivan so how do your kids manage to ding other cars with your sliding doors and do I even care 5) you have multiple stickers with various bad words on them, on a car you use to transport your kids, I bet they love teaching innocent kids on the playground how to swear at their friends, teachers, and parents 6) good luck with that “free airbag test for tailgaters,” when the whole back half of your car is caved in 7) you unequivocally suck.

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LET ME SPEAK TO THE MANAGER



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