If you’ve been living under a rock or just don’t pay attention to my posts (understandable), my precious WRX was t-boned yesterday.

Today, I have a new, very temporary car.

The first thing I noticed when I picked it up from Enterprise was the smell. I’m sure they have cases of cleaning agents which are supposed to remove the nasty smells left behind by previous drivers, but liberal application of said cleaning agents really only has two effects - a permanent haze on the inside of all of the windows; and a new layer of nasty perfume on top of all the other smells. Perhaps the perfume drowns out the other smells for some noses. For mine, it just makes me want to sneeze.

The biggest surprise for me was the disappearing hood. I could see it plain as day from the outside, but through some Toyota sorcery, that sucker is completely invisible from the inside. Neat trick, but now I have no idea where the front end is located!

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When I tried adjusting the seat, I did find a spot where I could see the edges of the hood. Unfortunately, this position also put me too close to the roof. When I turned my head, it knocked my hat off. I’m of average height, so i can only conclude that this car was designed for people with a much smaller frame than mine. If that is the case, then Toyota engineers must want the hood to remain invisible.

So, how am I supposed to park this thing? Should I just roll forward until it scrapes? From the condition of the hubcaps, it is apparent that this is exactly how the previous drivers have been parallel parking. At first I didn’t understand how all four hubcaps could have curb rash. After seeing the view from the practically non-existent side mirrors, I understood why. For now I will just avoid all parking lots with curbs and forget about parking on the street.

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If you’ve ever seen Toyota advertising, you know they depend on the endorsements of hip-hop hamsters to appeal to the “in” crowd. The Corolla isn’t endorsed by hip-hop hamsters. I think it’s because their less popular (and much smaller) cousins are living in a forced labor camp under the hood of this Corolla.

Acceleration, or at least the noise from under the hood that suggests it is trying to accelerate, is akin to flipping a switch. It’s either at full tilt with the hamsters yelling “CHARGE!” like they are re-enacting Braveheart, or it’s in eco mode and it’s more like the Silence of the Lambs. In all fairness, they must be stout little buggers. It does go from 0 to 60 - eventually - and that’s quite an accomplishment from a bunch of hamsters.

So, the overall BicycleBuck verdict is a hearty thumbs down. Between the poor ergonomics, the bad visibility, and the nasty smell, this little Corolla is going back to Enterprise.