45 minutes in the Oreilly’s parking lot using parts bought from Autozone (heh heh) and I got the new thermostat, upper and lower housings, and coolant temp sensor put in and topped the coolant back up after puking most of it over K-15 and the Oreilly’s parking stall. Here’s what failed:

In the first picture you can see where it split apart down the seams in the plastic. Second picture is my reaction to said splitting, and the third picture is where some of the plastic had turned to mush and fell off when I took out the housing. Furthermore, the not-factory hose clamps holding everything together indicated that this had failed once before, so it wasn’t even an 11 year old part! SMH, Ford. SMH.