We’re inching closer and closer towards mass hysteria here in Washington state.

The conspiracy theories — and outright tasteless, misanthropic assumptions — that I’m hearing in real life from allegedly intelligent humans is starting to make me feel very down on my species. I won’t repeat any examples, I’m sure you’ve heard a few yourself. Although the one I heard Monday would make your put your fist through your monitor instantly.

My work is still open and I’m expected to work, so I do. I don’t have enough groceries to be locked in my own home for months, so I don’t bother. There isn’t hand sanitizer at every doorknob, so I touch the doorknob.

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I’m just living my life.

Illustration for article titled Update from ground zero.

When people are dying and the economy is inploding, people buy toilet paper. I buy beer.

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