It all started the day my phone lied to me.

Its a fairly new phone, less than a year old, but the other day I was out and about and had 30% battery left, and it just died.

I plugged it into my car charger, and it BARELY charged on the 30min drive home.

Fast forward a few weeks and it happens again. This time at home, but I didn’t realize how little battery I had left. I was watching YouTube in the garage, switched to my camera, and DEAD. No 15% battery saver warning.

The other day I WATCHED IT DIE.

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30% to ZERO in a heartbeat.

But a funny thing happened when I plugged it in to charge it.

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It went from 6% to 47% super fast. Faster than its ever charged before!

Obviously there was an issue. Being a weekend, I decided to drop by the local Verizon store on my way to get groceries, but decided to bitch on Twitter first. I wasn’t going to answer their request to DM, but they made a Dark Tower reference so I HAD TO.

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Of course I didn’t get JJT when I chatted via DM, but whoever it was said “Yup, sounds like a battery issue. The Verizon store can test the battery and phone when you get there

LIE #1: Except.... they don’t. I went to the store and they called the DMer a liar. All they do is change plans and order phones. And they stock accessories. And let people play with devices.

So they put me on the phone with someone at Verizon to explain my issue, and get a replacement ‘refurbished’ phone ordered. I asked for it to be shipped to my work address, and gave it to them.

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Dummy me assumed it was the phone that had an issue, or that the refurb phone would come with a battery, given my issues.

It did not.

It arrived AT MY HOUSE yesterday, and the package felt awfully light.... because it was just the phone. No battery.

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Oh well. I charged my old phone to 90% and commenced the swap over of sim card, battery, SD card, back cover.... but wait, the NEW phone is saying the battery is only at 70%. I assumed my problem, the old phone, had been found.

I figure it was reading the battery charge improperly, displaying false percentages and NOT dropping off or charging suddenly... and not receiving a full charge either.

So I installed all my apps, set it all up the way I wanted, put on my last screen protector, etc.

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And went to bed.

I sleep with my phone on a USB charger next to my bed, screen off, but powered on with an alarm set for 6:00AM. Always have, ever since one of my first Android phones decided to update late at night and died, not waking me in the AM.

At 5:30, I rolled over and saw a bright grey light coming from the entire screen of my phone.

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It was the backlight. The screen was not on, yet the backlight was.

It would not turn off. The phone would not turn on. It would not enter recovery or boot mode. I had to pull the battery and reinstall it to make the phone function again.

Then I plugged it back in and went back to bed, figuring it was a fluke.

At 6AM my alarm went off. I pressed snooze, and put the phone back down.

I rolled over again at 6:10, expecting the alarm to go off soon, and when I tried to wake the phone.... nothing. The little red LED was on stating it was charging, but once again nothing would turn it on/off/boot.

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Pulled the battery YET AGAIN. This time, I noticed the screen was flickering like a bad refresh rate on an old tube monitor.

I left for morning errands and work, the whole time not charging my phone to fully test whether or not the battery problem was truly fixed, because if I had to call Verizon AGAIN they were getting the whole story, and I was GONNA GET A NEW BATTERY. Meanwhile I had already shipped out the old phone, thinking it was just a small glitch, and everything would be fine.

It got down to 10% around 11am today

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Notice how sharply it began to drop off....

Then this happened:

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It was up to its old charging tricks again. Time to CALL Verizon.

I was sent right to Tech Support, told a lady names Teresa my issues, and she said it sounded like a battery, 100%, all the issues were the battery’s fault BUT.... Verizon had none in stock. No one did. I’d have to BUY A BATTERY AT A LOCAL STORE and she’d reimburse me and give me her e-mail to send the total to.

OR

I could up/downgrade to another LG phone. But that would take a few days. But she’d include a case and screen protector for my troubles. No mention that the phone is CHEAPER by the month than mine, however...

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I needed it to work NOW, so I sent my driver with MY $40 FORTY MILES round trip to the closest Batteries + Bulbs that Teresa and I looked online for the battery to make sure it was correct and in stock. A Duracell, which she said would “be better than what the phone came with”

LIE #2: The battery, once installed, gave a “Incorrect Battery, Shutting Down” message after working for a minute or two. I e-mailed Teresa and waited. I got fed up and called Verizon again.

This time I was told that though no LG batteries were in stock they could send me, there were plenty of STORES in the area that might stock them like BEST BUY, TARGET, WAL-MART, and MY OWN VERIZON STORE that I was just at this weekend.

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LIE #3: I personally had to call around to ask and everyone sid the same thing: “We don’t carry batteries.... we don’t even carry YOUR PHONE”

Back to Twitter we go...

Still no e-mail from Teresa, I name drop her to the person who’s DM’s I’m sliding into, mention her offer for the different phone and accessories, and they say they can get me the different phone, but no accessories, and asked to call me so I gave them my work #

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LIE #4: Twitter guy calls, verifies the order, I tell him to ship it to my house (might as well), but he says it’ll be MONDAY before it gets there. “No dice”, I say. I want overnight shipping. He agrees. I also ask for a credit for all the running around, time, and gas I expended doing VERIZON’S JOB because, oh yeah, ITS UNDER WARRANTY.

He agrees to a $20 statement credit. I guess?

So after all this, my phone (which has restarted THREE TIMES since the phone call) is untrustworthy, I should have kept the old one (though I would have to transfer EVERYTHING again, if I even could), and I won’t have its replacement until Friday sometime at home.... which means after work.

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Oh, and since I’m sure some of you are curious, though it doesn’t matter the phone, this is about Verizon’s shitty support that I have a LG Stylo 2:

Because it was cheap, and am now getting a LG K20... which is cheapER:

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But it has GOOOOOOOOOLD

TL:DR My phone battery is shitting the bed, Verizon sent me JUST a new phone, putting shitty battery in new phone made things shittier, Verizon lies and I wasted an afternoon and precious time typing all this and in the end I’m getting a different cheap ass phone that’ll probably have issues in 6 months like they all do.