Waiting patiently for breakfast

Let’s go, human

My wife and I are volunteering tonight for a fundraiser. We will be working the upstairs beer portable at the Metallica concert tonight. I do not like Metallica, because they were the band that made me even consider heavy metal legitimate (in the early 80s, if you liked punk, saying you liked metal was like saying you liked cancer). Then they became everything that they originally were against. When my friend showed me his brother’s copy of Kill ‘Em All, I liked the blood, but I thought the logo and name of the band was dumb. When I saw their photo, I thought they were the ugliest people I had ever seen.


It caught my attention because even then, I understood that punk’s anti-fashion was just another form of fashion, and it’s scene-based provincialism was a re-creation of boundaries it purported to despise. This picture impressed me, because being this ugly felt really defiant and bold, more punk than punk itself.

But I was still a South Bay beach kid, and metal was for mullet-heads in Riverside, not for us. Like most kids, I was dumb. I did not listen to that record for another year, and when I finally did, I was impressed. It drew me in.

They were so likeable (ok, except maybe Mustaine), and even Lars felt like the guy in the group who was really annoying, but was your friend anyway. When I saw Cliff Em All, they seemed like such regular guys, and the memorial to their lost friend was so touching. I felt like after they lost Cliff, the music declined, but it was kind of to be expected. But I always had a soft spot for them.


But then all of a sudden it was like those guys were erased. They became assholes with the Napster thing, and Lars became one of rock’s most insufferable shitheads. Then I saw Some Kind of Monster.

It was pathetic. I was done, and I got off the Metallica train. Not hard, as the music had been crap for a long time. I came to believe that a movie I had seen and loved as a child was in fact a prophecy, and came true a generation later. I felt betrayed because they had been so staunch in their stance. It is part of growing up. But I won’t care about not watching the show.

If you have not seen Kiss Meets the Phantom then you have missed out on the greatest rock spectacle of all time. There were a lot of wonderful things about being a child in the 70s, including stuff like this. KISS gets kidnapped by an evil scientist and replaced by robots who want to enslave the kids. I think you get my point.


Forget this post. Go watch KISS Meets the Phantom of the Park. While you’re at it, watch Rock n Roll High School as well.

I was exactly the target market for these movies, and I loved them.

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