Wooooowwwwwww what an insulting exploitive piece of shit. YEAH KIDS YOU TOO CAN GET REVENGE ON THOSE WHO WRONG YOU BY KILLING YOURSELF. And they want to make a season 2? Fuck that. Luckily, good ol’ Benjles here has a solution to fixing this.

Here it is: THIRTEEN REASONS WHY PART TWO: THIRTEEN REASONS DIE

Complete 180. It already is an exploitation show, but instead of trying to hide it, lets go balls to the wall. Lets embrace it. Stranger Things is the new Poltergeist/ET, so lets make season 2 the new Zombi 2/I Spit on your Grave. I’m talking ALL out. Brutal, yet stylized gore. A psychological thriller subplot. Lets get Tom Savini to do the effects, John Carpenter to do the soundtrack, Tobe Hooper to guest direct an episode. Gratuitous graphic eye injuries. Everyone on the tapes gets killed by ironic novelty deaths.

The plot?

Yeah. Lets open it up with the guidance councilor getting his throat torn out. They find his body in a very public place. Next up it goes down the list. The jock guy who spread the pic gets killed by a power drill to the brain via the eyeball. A video of it spreads around the school. What do the victims have in common? They both were on the tapes. People immediately suspect Clay of doing it for revenge. But that’s not the case, turns out Hanna’s back. This time as an unstoppable undead killing machine. He has to clear his name and stop her. There will be a chainsaw duel in the last episode, idk how we’ll get there, but we will. I’m also thinking a castration is in order. A Robert Englund cameo. An homage to The New York Ripper by way of face exploding off thanks to a well placed revolver shot. Either way, I’d watch the fuck outta that. And it would totally make up for the first season, and the fact that they’re considering a second season.

Unimog for your time.