My neighborhood, which I moved into this year, put out flyers about organized trick or treating hours and activities. Because of this, I thought it would be popular, and bought a big bag of candy to give to the kids. I still have the overwhelming majority of that candy.

Our neighborhood is all 3-story townhouses. The flyer suggested setting up shop in your garage/driveway so the kids didn’t have to walk up the big front steps at everyone’s house.

The 1st floor is the “basement,” with our garage, laundry/utility room, and we have the big open space set up as both our main tv watching room and home office.

The 2nd floor is kitchen, dining room, powder room, entryway, and another living area with our smaller tv we call our lounge. Everyone’s front door is actually on this 2nd floor, but the entryways are a half-flight of stairs down, so while the front steps are tall, they’re not crazy tall.

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We wanted to hang inside and watch a scary movie and eat pizza, not sit out in our damn driveway waiting around for kids. Thankfully, the alternative option suggested by the flyer was to turn on your porch light and decorations to indicate you were welcoming trick or treaters. So we figured we’d watch tv in the lounge to be closer to the front door.

I decided, ok let’s put the jack o’ lantern at the bottom of the steps, put on the porch light, and some front window lights. Our entryway has windows on either side of the door, and the other front windows are our kitchen.

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But, for some inexplicable reason the entryway light is on the same switch as a hall light close to our lounge area, and my wife didn’t want that hall light on. I said the kids might not come by with all the front lights out, but nooo, she was like, “the porch light is on like the flyer said, it’s fine!”

So our house had a porch light on, a jack o’ lantern at the bottom of our front steps, and no other damn lights in front to indicate someone might be home.

We got 1 pair of kids who came by for candy.

There was an older couple on our block who did set up chairs in their driveway to meet kids, and at the end of the prescribed trick or treat hours, I went outside to get the jack o’ lantern. They were talking with someone else about the relative lack of kids coming around, but they talked about a few clusters of kids who made the rounds and the parents were grateful. It would seem those groups of parents didn’t realize our house was open for business.

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Feeling vindicated, but knowing better than to go into TOLD YA SO mode, I gently informed my wife about the conversation I overheard, and she was incredulous.

Now I have a shit ton of candy left over. Next year we gotta put the damn entryway light on, hall light be damned! We’ll just watch tv downstairs and I’ll run up to greet kids. Gotta put this athleticism to use somehow!