Illustration for article titled Well, that was fucked up.

Went out with a couple of my friends. Things were unusually tense. When I talked about the house I’m pending on, I was constantly greeted with snarky comments from one individual. Everyone else seemed excited for me, but not this one... “Well, you don’t have the house YET.” “You never know — IF you actually close.” Thinking back, last week she texted me — out of the blue — to “warn” me how expensive my taxes will be. Yes, I’m intimately aware of how property taxes work. So in a way, she’s been negative from the get go... Anyway, it was like, wow okay, moving on. When I didn’t bite, she upped her game.


By the end of the night, her boyfriend (one of my best friends) asked if they could use my garage for the Mother of All Garage Sales — it’s a weekend event in August where everybody has a big garage sale in Everett. Sometimes there’s food trucks. It’s great. You don’t *have* to officially register, but you can. There’s a nominal fee of 20 bucks, and then you’re “allowed” to stick a little sign in your yard the month before, basically advertising that, “Hey come back to this house, I’m gonna sell some cool shit maybe!” So her boyfriend offered to split the fee. It was incredibly tongue-in-cheek (10 bucks for goodness sake), and we enthusiastically shook hands on the deal.

Aaaaaaaand then things got dark.

She starts ranting, “Why would you bother to register, that’s stupid, what a waste of money, the point of garage sales is to make money.”


I calmly reply, “It’s 20 bucks and it’s something for the community. And garage sales aren’t about making money, it’s about offloading your crap and meeting your neighbors, too.” Yes, I’m sure many of you do not agree with this premise. But it’s a matter of opinion.

She continues to press.

“Well you may as just stop at the fucking Goodwill.”

“You can do that if you want, I’m going to have a garage sale.”

“It’s just stupid.”

“Okay, then don’t ask to use my garage. I’ll do what I want with my property, and you can do what you want.”


“It’s not even YOURS yet. You think you’re better than us now that you’re moving to [withheld]. This is what happens. You pay stupid garage sale fees.”

Her boyfriend is facepalming hard.

I go for the kill.

“Well, it’s his money, his whole 10 bucks. He can do what he wants, right?”

That’s when the yelling starts. In addition, during her rage, she tells me that I’m stupid and buying the house is a mistake — again “IF” I get it. She storms out for a smoke or whatever. Her boyfriend whispers something to me that I can never ever ever repeat. But the short version is: dude I’m don’t know what the fuck and I’m sorry.


She came back and then and was doubly mad because her boyfriend didn’t chase after her or make up an excuse for them to leave. She did not speak to me or look in my general direction for the rest of the evening. She just sat there with a scowl while the rest of talked about whatever.

So anyway, I don’t know if it’s jealousy or bipolar disorder, but I’ve never seen someone be so humm passionate about a garage sale that’s not even theirs. I’m not going to apologize for being excited about my new house, and I still get calls and text from family and friends because, I don’t know, they’re like happy for me and junk.


I don’t care for people sometimes.

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