1) Everything new will almost always be awful; until newer, even more awful things make me rationalize why I actually like the old, less awful things.

2) Auto makers need to try new things, which I will promptly criticize. “Go back to what you’ve always done” I will say!

3) Despite failing in every way to be successful in the business of selling cars, Saab will always deserve one more chance.

4) New cars resemble other cars that have previously been made. This always must be pointed out.

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5) We demand enthusiast-oriented vehicle offerings!

6) Enthusiast-oriented vehicle offerings never meet sales targets, but I don’t know why they go out of production.

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7) Jeremy Clarkson’s opinions must be repeated at every opportunity.

8) Cars that do not appeal to me at 17 will never be appealing to me as an adult. NEVER.

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9) It is always clever to make jokes about Ferraris catching fire! It’s so funny because it’s true!

10) Diesels are superior to hybrids in every way. Look at that Miata!