Definitely not intended for real world use. Do not try anything you see here at home, or on your friends vehicles. It most certainly won’t be hilarious.

Over the years, my friends and I concocted a few innocuous schemes to inconvenience each others cars for the amusement of the rest, usually after a few beers. This was, in our minds, better than drawing dicks on the face of whoever passed out, and certainly more clever.

Among the easiest to pull off is jumping the horn and the brake light fuse, which obviously causes the horn to activate every time the driver pushes the brakes. It has added effectiveness if the vehicle has some sort of comedy horn, like the awoogah in my friend’s old Ranger. Seriously though, don’t do this to someone, especially if they might be late for work in the morning. If that happens, you’ll get to see them make a choice, and for legal reasons that will not be funny at all.

Realigning a parking job requires multiple people and, on a truck this old, several tetanus boosters

If your friend has an old truck with manual locking hubs, well, you know where this is going. The first turn will be eventful. (Seriously though, don’t do this one. It’s actually dangerous, especially if they don’t turn until they’re in serious traffic. My friends and I were kind of assholes when we were younger)

If you’re a car thief, just go ahead and skip to the next one. We’re definitely not going to talk about how to steal a carbureted car. Now that all the thieves are gone, let’s talk about how to steal a carbureted car. All you really need to do is jump the fuel pump and then bypass the starter solenoid with a screwdriver(be careful, this is usually a spark filled event). Now the engine is on, but you’ll still have to contend with the shift and steering wheel lock. If you can reach the shifter cable then you’re good. You won’t be able to steer, but you’ll at least be able to move the truck, and with any luck get it out of sight.


Pictured: Safety

If someone you know isn’t in the habit of locking their car, go buy a 6 pack of Little Tree’s Vanillaroma air fresheners, and then hide them throughout the car, making sure that you leave one in a very hard place to find. My suggestion is tape up under the dash above the footwells. Later on you admit that it was you, and tell him where they are, aside from the one that you taped inside the dash. You can also use a piece of a cheese if you’re a real bastard.

Replace the license plate frame of your manliest man friend with the bro-iest bro truck with something pink with Tiaras on it.

Rebadge your friend’s cars. Did you know that Subaru is an ananym for “Ur A Bus”? My coworker’s truck might soon become a Ferd F-Teenthousand in the very near future.

Also, spoiler alert for what’s coming up


Anyways these are all things you really shouldn’t do. What else shouldn’t you do to your friends vehicles?