“I feel that life is measured in achievement, not in years alone.”
“I feel that life is measured in achievement, not in years alone.”

Whatisthatsound unloading his Jag inspired me to look at used ones. It isn’t the right time for me, but hey, I never turn down looking at Autotrader. Then I found this.... Read this ad. I implore you. Full text below. Is this standard for performance car salesmen?

Illustration for article titled What...the...hell?

Ears bleeding, the hairs on your neck standing upright; 260 km/h glows between the steering wheel. The sound of 8 cylinders having air violently forced through them bounces around the tunnel that surrounds you. Another quick glance - 280 km/h stares back at you. A boom that can be heard for miles around explodes on exit as a bright blue flash of chaos disappears into the inky blackness of the night. For those who like it raw, this is, the 2016 Jaguar F-Type SVR

Let’s get down and dirty: the numbers. 575 Horsepower and 516 ft lbs of torque to all four wheels via a 5 Liter Supercharged direct injection V8 and a lightning fast 8 speed automatic transmission. 0-60 mph in 3.4 seconds. 0-100 mph in 8.0 seconds. 0-150 mph in 19 seconds. The quarter mile flies by in 11.7 seconds at 122 mph. Throw in a top speed of 200 mph for good measure, and you have an F-Type that isn’t for the faint of heart. Still a Grand Touring machine, the SVR turns everything to 11. Or 12 or Even 13. No longer will you be making a few Braps and Pops here and there when the exhaust button is pushed, because instead you will feel as though your Inconel Titanium exhaust is actually an FN M249 SAW engaged in an intense firefight in the middle of Mosul, Iraq. Be ready to knock pedestrians right off of their feet with 108 decibels of British lunacy.

So it’s here to have fun. Maybe even a bit too much fun. All of the time. Just like that guy at the party on PCP. But rather that ripping toilets out of their foundations and throwing them through the living room wall, you will be going through a corner at a physics defying speed that would confuse Isaac Newton himself. How does it circle the skid pad pulling 1.02 G you ask? Extra wide tires and massive brakes help, but the real winner is the extra rigid unibody coupled to that fantastic all wheel drive system that sends this car out of the gate like a man who has just received a “Come over, nobody is home” text.

The SVR is ,without question, the most unlimited, fastest, and schizophrenic Jaguar made today. For that, how can you not love it? Why wouldn’t you want to be the blue flash that made the dad in that Honda Odyssey say swear words in front of his kids? The truth is, you would, and you do want to do all of these things. So slide on in, hit that start button, watch the gauges turn to a sinister red glow as you select Dynamic mode, and shift into drive while grabbing one of the cool to the touch aluminum gear shift paddles. The road ahead needs a little color. Will the F-Type SVR be your brush?

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