I was thinking about this a little while ago, and I think I know exactly what high-school me (circa 1992) would say:

"Holy shit, Fiat came back to the US market? Wait, they own Chrysler now? That's so WEIRD! Neat car, though."

Then, following that...

"Ha, this must mean you're out of the closet then!"

MOTHERFUCKER. I'd have to kick him in the balls.