I’ve mentioned it before, I get these calls from Google Maps marketing assistance company whatever. Todays call:

Hi am I speaking with the business owner

Me: yes

google maps ass.: well blah blah blah

Me: cough, cough, choke, uh hang on

Ass: ok

Me: damn, uh, I just farted and this is the worst thing i’ve ever smelt.

now I though t that would be all it would take to get them to hang up, but she starts up again with blah blah whatever

Me o damn, I dont think i can handle this. It must have been the cheeseburger I had for breakfast. Damn, have you ever had a cheese burger for breakfast , cough cough choke, my stomach just can;t handle it, I dont think you should try it.

Ass: click

Any other ideas?

Yesterdays call:

Ass: Google maps ass, is this the business owner?

Me: Yes

Ass.: blah blah blah

Me: o sorry I dont speak English

Ass.: (in a very angry tone) your ridiculous

Me: YOUR OBNOXIOUS

A few days ago:

Ass.: google maps ass, is the business owner there?

Me: no hes on his way to meet you

Ass.: huh

He just jumped in his hot air balloon and is on his way to meet you this very moment.

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EDIT WOW:

just since posting this like 15 minutes ago

Me: I dont speak English.

Ass.: Ok what language do you speak

Me: uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh (i didn;t think past this part) uhhhhhh oh, Swahili.

Ass.: (silence) Ok we’ll call you back.

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