Illustration for article titled Which Volvo is Best Volvo?

My Volvo is best Volvo because third-row seats.

But Snuze Volvo has a third row too. Jump seats, even.

Sshhh. My Volvo is best because ride height.

Snuze Volvo is hella flush, tho. And as any fule kno, hella flush == hella cool.

Quiet now. My Volvo is best because leather seats.

Snuze Volvo has them. It seems you have never had a ride in a Swedish brick.

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Bah. My Volvo is best because the paint has color.

It might as well be black. Also, I hope you like swirl marks.

Pffttt. My Volvo is best because inline-6.

Mounted sideways. Good luck getting to the alternator.

Enough! My Volvo is best because towing hitch.

You don’t have a trailer. Though maybe you should get one to carry your arse around town.

Shaddap! My Volvo is best because no stickers to blemish it.

Your loss. No majestic moose rampant for you. Not yours.

Wwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh.

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