Your subculture: Being the annoying twats in forums saying that every single car on sale must be manual/ being the annoying twats in forums saying they’re crying over a brand dropping them.

Your background: A 17 year old whose sole prior submersion into car culture has been watching Top Gear clips on Youtube because buying shit is for idiots. An angry early gen exer who doesn’t understand how OBDII works, or a hardcore track day aficionado who doesn’t understand how speed limits work.


none of these demographics can afford any of the cars they complain about... They probably daily a hatchback.

Now that your anger has been opened up to the internet, you need to express your unique take on the stupid, authoritarian automotive industry because it is YOUR RIGHT AS A CITIZEN OF THE INTERNET to show absolute RAGE that the new BMW 3 series only has a low powered engine mated to a manual box.


The car: Suddenly, after three years of belonging to this group you finally get a big bonus at your mildly successful job, so you chose to buy the only car a manual elitist could possibly buy: A Mazda MX5.

But when you get to the dealer you realize those little ND shits are tiny! and you freak out because deep down you’re scared of the changing world and soccer moms in two ton SUVs that might murder you in a used NA miata.


So you buy a Civic Sport, in a dealer 50 miles from where you live because no one has the manual in stock. Telling yourself you didn’t spring for the Si because you don’t need the extra power, as the manual box takes back dozens of horsepower from the hated CVT.

What’s new that sucks: Fuel economy, the fact that you never actually learned how to drive a manual properly and you burned half of the clutch in the first 1k miles and now the car stalls in parking lots. Unless you bought a Porsche you just sank your resale value.


What has always sucked: you live in Los Angeles, idiot. Your office isn’t on Mulholland Drive, asshat. Welcome to traffic in I-405!

Illustration for article titled Why Your Automotive Subculture Sucks: Save the manuals! crowd

Why your subculture sucks: You feel better than everyone else for willing to live with a worse car everyday for the half an hour every year it’s going to be fun. You want car culture to be exclusive, and you think you’re a mechanic, and that you’re going to teach your kids how to drive stick, but deep down you know buying a manual Civic was a mistake from which you won’t recover financially. So you take your resentment out on people who are excited about new, more powerful, more fuel efficient, faster cars.


“Meh, I don’t care about the Supra because of the automatic, I’ll buy it used in seven years”


“Some cars do have better fuel economy with manuals!”

“The last manual M5 is going to SKYROCKEEEET in value. Stupid bring a trailer, now I won’t be able to buy it in seven years. ”


“My leg doesn’t even get sore from the traffic”

“The Genesis G70 needs the 3.3T with a manual! The 2.0 is too underpowered!”

“I could beat you cus I have a manual and I know how to launch!”

“Every enthusiast who drives an automatic isn’t actually interested in cars, and they don’t deserve all of the attention!”


“Why do you even need ten gears?”

“if we lived in Europe you wouldn’t be able to get a license!”

“iT’s A sAfEtY fEaTuRe HUR HUR HUR HUR... you get it right? because its manual and thieves are dumb? you get it right? right? IT’S SO HILARIOUS IT HAPPENS ALL THE TIME, let me look it up, you’ll get it then!”

Share This Story

Get our newsletter