Ya, I Said It, The Corvette Z06 is Too Fast

0 to 60 in what, 2 seconds? What’s after that, ass-rammed in jail? “Ugh, officer, my dump truck business did very well this year so I bought me a Z06 and I was just testing-her-out”. What’s wrong with a base C7? 0 - 60 in 3.7 seconds, top speed 181 mph. Does any mortal other than Randy Pobst need a Z06? Well, yes, there are in fact a select few who absolutely need this car. You’ve meet this guy, he’s usually wearing a sweat suit, but never going to the gym. He also couldn’t afford a 911 Turbo, so he went with the Vette, and brags that’d he never buy a foreign car. “I only buy Murican, screw those foreigners, my dad was in Pearl Harbor”.


Here’s a list of what that extra awesome 190 horsepower over a base C7 gets you:

Bragging Bights - Because in all your narcissism god forbid someone has a car with more hp than yours. If you’re at Hooters eating wings and flirting with underage mediocre girls dressed in 1970's roller skate shorts and somebody says “my Vette has close to 500hp”, you put down your cigarette and proudly boast “my Vette has 650hp! Take your Ford and shove it!

Louder, More Effective Burnouts When Leaving The Dealership - Because you love being the asshat that demolishes a fresh set of 335/35/20's. Because money is so unimportant that spending a grand “ain’t nothing”.

Buying The Corvette Jacket With Z06 Embroidery - Because buying the regular jacket would mean you have the regular Vette. And who wants that? At a paltry 460hp your image would be chattered. Genuine leather here too, folks.


Drag Racing Supremacy - How many times have you heard “with slicks, exhaust, and a tune, my Z runs low-10's” I’m sure the engineers at Chevrolet are proud of all that chassis work; thousands of hours spent making this thing handle like a BMW and every wanna-be is putting slicks on it. I’m confident I could train a chimpanzee to drag race.


GMAC Financing - Yes, you can flip twenty thousand negative equity from your previous base Corvette and own the car of your dreams. 84 month financing available. With a 560 beacon to boot.


Flyinglap aka Joe knows more useless car information than anybody. He owns every Car & Driver since 1986. His 11 year old son knows the difference between an E24 and E28. His 7 year old son says “gai-ar-doh” not “gah-lar-doh”.

Share This Story

Get our newsletter