So the 2017 Honda Civic hatch was revealed today. I wish it wasn’t.

God’s holy trousers... This is possibly the ugliest car I have ever seen. Now granted this is the sport version (chevy citation needed), so it may have more vents and scoops and crap, but it is what it is, and what it is is ugly. Let’s start with the most obvious fake grilles I have ever seen. There are two of them in the front, making it look like it’s wearing a dental lip retractor. The Hondabeak is back in black. The bodywork-not-quite-connecting thing needs to go away like yesterday. Seriously people.

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There are also two GINORMOUS vents in the rear, providing cooling for... the in-trunk subwoofer, f*** if I know. Honda Civic Hatch, ya’ NASTY.

The tailights are twice as big as they need to be and gloriously ugly. They look good on the coupe, but the whole smokey eye thing isn’t working. The way they flow into the useless spoiler is neat, but they NASTY.

I know the 45 degree hatch is a hard look to pull off, so why did you even try? It looked good on the European Ford Focus, full stop. Honda designers don’t strike me as the kind of people who can pull off a difficult look. They’re the people who designed the Crosstour, not Tim Gunn for Godssake.

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Also, that sloping beltline/bodyline combo makes the front end look like it was attached wrong. Like when you button a cardigan one button off. But of course this is a Honda, so that cardigan would have embroidered flames. And be made of robots.

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I hate that little kink/slope at the base of the D-pillar. Ya’ not BMW, Honda, ya’ NASTY.