How do you season your chicken? Rosemary? Paprika? Lemon Juice? All delicious, but decidedly less Jalop-worthy than the choice flavoring of the Italian Futurists: ball bearings.
The futurist movement originated in Italy during the early 20th century, and they certainly had some gearhead principles; followers were infatuated with "speed, technology, youth and violence, and objects such as the car, the airplane and the industrial city."
Futurist culinary expert and restaurateur Filippo Tommaso Marinetti was so enthused with the automobile that in his Futurist Cookbook, he included a recipe for a dish called Chicken Fiat. You might expect it to be a meal inspired by the spirit of the famous Italian automaker, perhaps using some hot spices to capture the exciting feeling of being behind the wheel, but you would have totally underestimated the madness of the futurists.
To prepare to perfection, ball bearings are placed inside the chicken and roasted "until the meat has absorbed the metallic taste." To complement the mechanical flavor, the meat would be served on "pillows of whipped cream."
It already sounds mouthwatering, but for the Futurists the food was only part of the complete dining experience. Marinetti would often go to great lengths to make sure the atmosphere of his restaurant matched the food being served. Sometimes he would use a large fan to blast diners with evocative fragrances, other times clients would be asked to rub particular materials while they ate. When turkey was on the menu, he would release a live bird amongst the diners. With these principles in mind I highly recommend having a friend perform a burnout in close proximity to your table so you can enjoy your meal in a cloud of tire smoke: it's what the Futurists would have wanted.
And there you have it, a meal worthy of a true Jalop and what is sure to be a real crowd pleaser this 4th of July.