I’m just checking to make sure everyone knows this and is ok with it. I’m calling it now, the Chrysler brand will not offer any RWD vehicles (or V8s) fairly soon. This isn’t a surprise, right? We all saw this coming...didn’t we?

The first clue was the whole Chrysler becoming a mainstream brand thing. Do you happen to remember when they said Dodge could go RWD-based platforms only and that Chrysler would compete with Toyota and Chevrolet? It’s understandable if you dismissed those claims quickly since we know FCA marketing and Sergio like to promise that they’ll turn piss into champagne and charge a premium for it. However, let’s look at something much more interesting.

POP QUIZ!!! Name every hybrid and all electric vehicle offered in the complete portfolio of FCA. Go ahead and take a minute...

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...

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...not much coming to mind? Let’s narrow down some brands together.

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Jeep? Nothing.

Ram? Nothing.

Dodge? Nothing.

Ferrari? Hell yeah, if you have $4 million in fun money on you and think 12/16mpg is efficient.

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Maserati? Nothing.

Alfa Romeo? Nothing.

Lancia? ...Lancia?! ....HAS ANYONE SEEN LANCIA??!!! *saabs furiously*

Fiat? Well there is the all electric 500e which can get up to 87 miles of range. I’m sure that’s a huge seller since nothing says quality like an all electric Fiat.

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Chrysler? Well, the Pacifica PHEV is coming soon! A minivan with a wall charger, how awesome is that?!

Ok, so we have three models that have propulsion technology that doesn’t involve blowing stuff up stuck in them, even if it’s as way of fixing the weight distribution rather than actually doing anything. One of those models isn’t on sale yet and the other is on Instagram. So the Fiat 500e is currently the most unique thing in FCA’s entire portfolio...NEAT!!

Come on now, we all know that hybrid and all electric technologies really aren’t that important in the grand scheme of things. There are plenty of other ways to be efficient while blowing shit up so let’s have a look at which brands people buy with explosive efficiency in mind.

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Efficiency...Ferrari! Hmm, not quite.

Efficiency...Maserati! Hmm, closer. They can pull off diesels, well performance diesels which luckily are the most efficient kind of diesel engines! I could see hybrid models being great here, again the performance type. This is a high volume brand so that’s perfect!

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Efficiency...Alfa Romeo! *copy/paste Maserati prose*

Efficiency...Fiat! Definitely, because we all know those shopping for effieciency don’t car about reliability, cost of ownership, residual values...

Efficiency...Jeep! Ecodiesels all day, you know it!

Efficiency...Ram! No worries here, just keep those diesels Cummins.

Efficiency...Dodge! HEMI, burnouts, old people throwing the bird...yep definitely the efficiency leader.

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Efficiency...Chrysler! Well have you seen their website? Anytime the MSRP is listed the best possible fuel economy numbers are listed. The Chrysler brand is about to be leveraged as the FCA brand synonymous with great fuel economy, technology, and eco-consciousness.

*Don’t get me wrong, the Tigershark, Multi-Airs, Pentastar, and EcoDiesels are all great engines. Adequante it nearly every way, which is rare for FCA! However, do they depict the engineering prowess and batshit-crazy R&D spending that tells us this automaker isn’t making shit up as they go? Does it matter if the cars sell?

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So let’s go ahead an expect all future Chrysler models to be built on the Pacifica platform and ready for hybrid and especially PHEV variants. That means the 300 matching it’s peers as a FWD based vehicle, I’m sorry. I also wouldn’t be surprised if the 300 actually becomes smaller and they make it a midsize sedan much like the Accord in sizing. Afterall, most of the Beigers out there will definitely look into a $26,000 Chrysler 300 that gets 31 mpg on the highway. Of course that means no more HEMIs in the Chrysler brand, but while the Dodge brand gets all the V8s, the Chrysler brand will have all the hybrids!

You’re having convulsions huh? Just take a deep breath and remember that the Dodge brand will only get better because of exclusive Giulia platform sedans with HEMIs. Anyways, the only vehicle in Chrysler’s lineup that bothers you is the 300, which doesn’t even get an SRT variant in the US. Plus, maybe Lancia (the name not the heritage) will live on this way!

Think about all the money FCA will save NOT having to buy EV Credits off of Tesla, Toyota, and anyone else that can provide that fix. It’ll be ok, it will ok. I for one embrace our new FWD, hybrid, eco-friendly Chrysler brand with only three models!