You work at an early warning missile defense post somewhere in the barren wilderness of the northern United States. You've got stars on your epaulets, bro—you're important.

In a sick twist of world politics, the Ruskies, the Chinese, and the Pakistanis team up and launch nukes at the continental U.S. A young Airman sees blips on his radar screen. He notifies you. BUT YOU DON'T KNOW THIS BECAUSE YOUR NOTIFICATION SYSTEM IS RUN BY KINJA.

The barrage hits. Quicker than you can say "SALT treaty sucks", Washington, D.C. Is obliterated. Not even a minute passes before NYC, L.A., Chicago, Seattle, and Gary, IN go up in flames. You weep and curse Nibbles. But then you realize...

Nobody liked Gary, IN anyway.

...

Thanks, Kinja!