You realize that a cup of mediocre coffee costs four whole dollars, so you promptly leave. You get in your car, flip on the lights because it's 5:00am and drive away, maybe to a Kaldi's or something, I don't know. It's a relaxing drive—just you and the morning dawn. But suddenly, the sky turns white and you aren't in a car anymore. Now all goes black.

Your senses are a blur, but slowly you come to and begin to realize where you are. You are naked and sitting inside of a large safe, which is in turn sitting at the bottom of the ocean. It's one of those really expensive safes they have at Sam's Club, complete with a desk and all that fancy crap. Suddenly, the Yankee candle, which has been your only light, flickers and wisps away into the unknown. It is dark, and you are scared. You cry and return to the fetal position because what the heck else are you supposed to do?

You are snapped out of your delusion as the door cracks open. Water rushes in and fills every square inch of the safe. It's warm water, and sunlight is visible through the depths. Although startled, you quickly collect yourself and exit; the surface seems near, but so far away. Just when you think you can't possibly make it, a bottlenose dolphin speeds towards you. The wondrous beast of the sea nestles your limp body and makes for the sky which lies beyond the rippling glass ceiling of the depths. You slowly slip into unconsciousness. The dolphin preforms CPR, but it is too late... you are dead.


You awake back behind the wheel of your car. "HOLY..." A semi truck just smashed you head-on because you fell asleep and drifted into oncoming traffic. Actually, no, that didn't happen. You made it to school/work/(whatever, I don't know your life) in time. You pull the handbrake, turn the car off, and walk inside of whatever building you happen to be walking into—I told you, I don't know your life. Your colleagues/fellow students/(whatever, I don't know your life) greet you, but you don't greet them back.

You don't greet them back because you don't recognize their faces. But how could you? Everybody's faces are pixelated! Human bodies with square heads made of sixteen large pixels. Dejected and afraid, you soil your pants and run out of there, screaming your face off. You frantically rush to the nearest McDonald's and look in the bathroom mirror. IT'S HAPPENED TO YOU AS WELL. The door bursts open, and Morgan Freeman walks in. He calmly initiates a conversation.

Morgan: "You're thinking this whole thing to be a bit strange, aren't you."


Morgan: "Shhhh. Shhhh. Just shut up and let me explain everything."

You: "[quivering] Yeah, ok, ok, ok.... [quivering]"

Morgan: "Several years ago, a company called Gawker Media bought life. The..."


Morgan: "Shut up and let me finish! These people are a bunch of morons. At the hand of it's new owners, life has slowly been going downhill, and the decline has culminated in this moment. For unknown reasons, everyone's face has been pixelated. If you want your face back, you'll have to go to account settings, re-upload your face, save the settings, and hope for the best. However, if your full name is longer than thirty letters, you can't have your face back because... well, because just because."


You: [dies]